I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
