The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
