Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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