So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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