it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize