smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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