He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
