tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
