shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
