What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
