i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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