Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
