True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I am one with the molecules
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
