So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
