i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
