if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
