lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
