So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
soo... how was my night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
