Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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