When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
