her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
