Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
