Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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