i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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