Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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