i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
