it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
