the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
