so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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