butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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