I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
