with your own penis?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
