can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
