He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
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Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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