when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
