So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
