if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
