we have pet lesbian snakes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
