Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
