you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And then my night got REAL pukey
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
