and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
