Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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