Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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