I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
