I think my vagina is haunted
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
