it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I wish I only lived at night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
