man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
