How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
