She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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