Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
