The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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