um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
