He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
