if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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