one might say we're banned from that church
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
