Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
