my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
