He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
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I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
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last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize