yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
