Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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