There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
A bitchslap is in order.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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